2008 Pontiac G8

The saddest part about the possible bankruptcy of General Motors is not the mass of laid-off workers, or the end of America’s automotive empire, but the fact that for the first time since the muscle car era, they are making some of the world’s best cars.

Of course, they are all being ignored by ever-thrifty consumers, who have long memories of atrocious American cars that were fit for the scrap yard before they even came off the line. A few years ago, GM hired Bob Lutz, the Svengali like “car czar” credited with turning Chrysler around. Lutz’ famous decree of “no boring cars” was a rallying point for enthusiasts who were still reeling from the infamous Pontiac Aztek, considered by many to be the ugliest car ever made.

When Lutz’s fatwa was delivered, GM product planners had no idea that they would be hit by a recession, a collapse of the credit market, a sudden surge in environmental consciousness and a temporary spike in gas prices that saw consumers flock to small, efficient cars. So they dusted off a tried and true American formula; a big, roomy family car with a big, powerful V8 and a relatively modest price tag. Unlike previous iterations of this design, it is good enough to give BMW a run for its money.

On paper, any car that mates world-class performance with bargain pricing should be a slam dunk. But the Pontiac G8 has turned out to be a bomb. The car is such a financial disaster for GM that they are halting production for 2009, so that dealers can shift their remaining 2008 models at nearly 50% off of sticker. Imagine that; a car that does most of what a BMW 5-series does at 50% of the cost of the German luxo-barge needs to be deeply discount again just to sell a handful of units.

To the average car buyer, the G8 will look like a poor copy of a luxury car. To the enthusiast, the G8 will remind them of the “golden age” of BMW, when they were crude, expensive performance cars that happened to be co-opted by yuppies as a status symbol.

The interior is a Spartan sea of black plastic and imitation aluminum trim – just like the best BMW’s from the late 80’s through the mid 90’s. The window and door switches are mounted on the centre console, a cost-saving measure designed to allow GM to sell the car in right-hand drive markets with minimal modification. The exterior styling is attractive yet hefty, like a gorgeous plus-sized model.

The enormous 6.0L V8 has been silenced for the benefit of the middle-aged demographic this car is aimed at, but it’s still related to the iconic small-block V8 used in the Corvette, albeit in a “low calorie” version. While the Corvette makes 430 horsepower, the G8 must make do with a mere 361. Only the traction control system prevents novice drivers from burning rubber from a standstill. The G8’s acceleration is smooth yet rapid, providing a baritone 8-cylinder soundtrack to match the ever-blurring scenery.

It would be easy to assume that a two-ton American sedan would corner like a shopping cart, but nothing could be further than the truth. The G8 turns in with little drama and much compliance. The front end doesn’t plow away from the turn like a Honda Accord, nor does the rear end slide out like the Trans Am from Smokey and the Bandit. Pontiac’s engineers perfectly emulated BMW’s neutral handling characteristics, making for a seriously fast car. More importantly, the G8 gives you the confidence to drive at obscene speeds without worrying about maiming yourself in a car wreck.

After the novelty of hooliganism has worn off, the G8 is a perfectly pleasant place to be. The ride is smooth and comfortable without feeling like a marshmallow. The stereo, once tuned correctly, is not that bad. The seats are soft yet supportive.

So why is nobody buying this car? For one thing, GM did nothing to advertise it, seemingly relying on word-of-mouth buzz spread by enthusiasts. This is an “en-vogue” strategy for the internet age, but the fact is most enthusiasts have other enthusiast friends who have heard of the car already, and their non-enthusiast friends’ tune out whenever cars are brought up. The second factor of course, is that green is in and screaming-red-testosterone muscle cars are out. It doesn’t matter that the new Camaro actually gets better mileage than a Toyota Camry V6; driving a rolling tribute to American jingoism will garner untold disapproving stares from upwardly-mobile Prius-driving types, and the opinions of others trumps all when it comes to the sort of middle-class buyer GM has targeted for the G8.

Technically, the G8 retails for $40,000 fully loaded, but recent sales have seen them for around $25,000. It may even be possible to haggle the price down further. For slightly more than a top-of-the-line Honda Civic, you can get a large family sedan with a trunk that would put minivans to shame and performance capabilities that would shame a Boxster. Unfortunately, nobody cares.