2006 Volkswagen Jetta

Rapper Jay-Z’s new song “30 Something” is about his maturing taste and his disdain for the conspicuous consumption and gaudy affectations shared by much of his hip-hop cohort. “Young enough to get the hot car/ old enough not to put rims on it” says Jay in his latest album.

Of course, Jay was talking about his brand-new Maybach 62, but in the meantime, another car has arrived on the scene that costs a fraction of the Maybach’s price but achieves the same desired stealthy effect while losing nothing in the areas of performance, luxury and style.

When my 53-year-old father needed a new car to replace his 2003 BMW 530i (quite possibly the most complete 4-door car ever made), I knew his requirements. It should be easy on the wallet, with a hefty dose of performance thrown in for good measure. I immediately suggested a new Mini Cooper S or Volkswagen GTI, but the suggestion was quickly vetoed by the head of the Kreindler household. I praised the new GTI endlessly, espousing how it was a brilliant return to form, reminiscent of the original GTI, and then I remembered that my Dad was almost the same age as I am now when the original car was introduced in 1976. “That’s not for me,” he said. “I don’t want plaid seats. I don’t want a hatchback.”

The GTI’s youthful appearance didn’t resonate with my Dad, who wears Prada glasses and follows local indie rock bands around with my mother, but he was able to find a car that met his needs perfectly. Enter the Volkswagen Jetta 2.0T.

The Jetta 2.0T is a visually unremarkable car. It shares the base Jetta’s bland styling, and the only visual cues that this car is packing serious power are the elegant (not sporty, remember) two-piece 17” wheels wrapped in low-profile tires, and a discreet “2.0T” badge on the rear decklid, to differentiate itself from the standard Jettas at the local organic food co-op.

While it may look like executive transport for the “Elizabeth May 2008” campaign, the 2.0T has the ego of Michael Ignatieff in Stephane Dion’s clothing. Underneath it all lies the same suspension and drivetrain as its attention-seeking GTI brother. To further its bland appearance, the gear selector for Volkswagen’s motorsports-derived DSG transmission (which can be ordered in place of the standard 6-speed manual) is the same as the proletarian-model Jetta, save for the embossed “DSG” emblem.

One of my dad’s chief complaints on any car is a dark, gloomy interior, and despite the awesome plaid seats in the GTI, the interior is still an ocean of decidedly un-VW like grey, hard plastic. The 2.0T is much closer to its Audi brothers: soft materials cover the dashboard and other surfaces, and you can choose black or tan leather to upholster the supple yet supportive sports seats (built to accommodate expanding middle-age waistlines) that are slightly less aggressive than the GTI’s chairs.

The Jetta 2.0T loses nothing to the GTI according to the tried and true “Seat of the Pants” data acquisition system. With a negligible weight difference between the 2.0T and its GTI sibling, the 4-door Jetta can easily keep pace with its flashier sibling. The 2.0T has a seemingly unlimited reserve of torque and turbo sounds, and the DSG transmission is utterly flawless, executing perfect downshifts while creating cool engine noises that (in my mind, at least) cause young ladies to take notice of the dashing young bachelor driving his aging father to the early-bird at Pickle Barrel.

Since the 2.0T uses the same chassis and suspension pieces as the GTI, there is hardly a difference during aggressive back roads driving. The GTI’s tires are much better than the mid-range all-seasons slapped onto the 2.0T, but you would be hard pressed to shake a 2.0T off your tail unless you really knew what you were doing. The Jetta will never, ever let you be caught flat-footed.

The 2.0T inspires incredible confidence in any driver, no matter how ham-fisted. My friend Ofri, who drives Merkava tanks in the Israeli Army, was disappointed at his inability to unleash the 2.0T’s full potential on a deserted two-lane stretch of twisty blacktop. “It’s like an animal waiting to be uncaged” he said sternly, as if he were telling Hamas to recognize Israel’s right to exist - or else.

Of course, the car has its downsides. A big issue for an audiophile like my Dad is that the “premium stereo” is a letdown. It sounds tinny when you play rock music, and downright painful during my attempts at bumping the latest rap song. A crunching noise was audible as I tried playing some bass-heavy hip-hop, but for standard radio play, it will suffice. Coming off of the excellent BMW/Harmon-Kardon system, it was downright disappointing.

The Jetta 2.0T is overshadowed by both the GTI and its GLI siblings, and for good reason. The target market for the two hyper-VWs is the 18-34 demographic, and we want pastel paint and loud mufflers. Most people above the age of 35 who want a VW aspire to a Passat, until they realize that the Passat drives like it has square tires and has shed its once chic exterior for K-Mart styling The Jetta 2.0T slots in nicely for those who have outgrown bright red hatchbacks but are not quite ready to buy a Passat and join the AARP.

As Jay-Z says, this car is “for the grown and sexy.”