vLane Blog

Botox for Cars

From chrissy coleman, Featured Contributor
Posted on June 4, 2008

Filed under Misc, Humor

Put the plates on already. We know the car's not new.

There's a trend in my neighborhood that both amuses and annoys me even more than egotistical vanity plates from the 80s used to: No plates at all, and specifically on Mercedes and BMWs, as if the car itself was not a strong enough brand on its own. IT has to be new to be put on a pedestal. These car owners purposely leave off the license plates on their new cars to extend that "new car" look.

At first I noticed a guy in my apartment building who had that new car look going for his white sport sedan for about nine months, and thanks to the heavily applied wax he slapped on, it really played the part. Then one day in the Albertson's parking lot I noticed a whole bunch of guys I affectionately refer to as "the tracksuit mafia" for their penchant for matching black velour, standing in a pack out by the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf, right next to their cars. As I walked by them, I glanced down at their cars' rear bumpers and saw that there were no plates. They either go shopping together, or the "new car look" is in play.

A little while back I was a passenger in a friend's car who got distracted by the pretty, blinking lights along the bumper-to-bumper Miracle Mile during evening rush hour, consequently rear-ending (more like tapped) a car's rear bumper. We both pulled over and assessed the damage with the other driver. Thankfully, there was only the slight indentation on the paint from the front of the license plate of my friend's car making contact with the rear bumper. Then what happened next surprised me. The driver started talking about how it was a new car and wanted cash on the spot. He opened up his trunk, trying to show how a bump could have warped the back of the car, rendering it useless. I looked in and saw a set of license plates, complete with registration stickers dated from the previous year. I pointed it out, and he promptly dropped his quest for extra cash.

I can understand that receiving a virgin set of license plates in the mail from the Department of Motor Vehicles does signal the end of that jubilant period of new car break-in, but those plates belong to the car; it's part of the car's identity. So put them on, people and stop trying to "botox" your car by leaving those off for longer than legally allowed. Everybody knows that new car look looks illegal. I promise I'll still regard you and your car as superior beings while I roll up past you in my aging Honda Civic.

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chrissy coleman is a featured contributor for vLane.