vLane Blog

Car Buying Guide for Moms

From LesleyB, Featured Contributor
Posted on May 9, 2008

Filed under Humor

Don't waste time researching what to drive. Let the movies be your guide!

Based on the moms we see in the movies, we've determined that there are only five kinds of moms. Find which type you or your mom is, and see what the movies want you to drive!

1. 1Passenger Seat Mom

   When you regularly occupy the passenger seat instead of the driver's seat you will likely end up dead, either from embarrassment or from being thrown from a dangerous vehicle. If you allow your husband to make the important decisions like where to go on vacation and what to drive, you will find yourself riding in a Family Truckster like Ellen Griswold in 'Vacation'. Your other choice is to perch casually on the back of Harleys, like Rusty Dennis in 'Mask' because you are too wild and untamed to provide transportation for your kid.

   

   Family Truckster from 'Vacation'

   

   Harleys from 'Mask'

2. 2Accidentally Knocked Up Mom

   If you accidentally get knocked up, make sure you drive a car that indicates that you are responsible despite finding yourself tragically knocked up and unmarried. It can be your own car as long as it's a sensible choice, like Alison Scott's Volkswagen Jetta in 'Knocked Up'. If you can't afford your own responsible car, you have to borrow one. You also have to give the baby up for adoption, like Juno MacGuff in 'Juno', who drives her dad's Toyota Previa.

   

   Volkswagen Jetta from 'Knocked Up'

   

   Toyota Previa from 'Juno'

3. 3Working Mom

   If you are a working mom, you are quite likely a high-powered bitch who drives a good car. You could also be an underpaid but well-meaning mom in which case you will drive a beater car that highlights your quirky personality. Carolyn Burnham in American Beauty' uses her Mercedes Benz both to commute to work and tote her gun around. The considerably less ambitious Peg Boggs in 'Edward Scissorhands' drives a yellow Plymouth Duster around to her part-time job as an Avon Lady, which is the perfect 2-seater in which to pick up a stranger with scissors for hands and take him home to live with your family.

   

   Mercedes M Class from 'American Beauty'

   

   Plymouth Duster from 'Edward Scissorhands'

4. 4MILF

   If you are a hot older mom that still has sex, it's probably with your son's friends. You will have no meaningful occupation other than tantalizing, sleeping with, or going crazy and stalking your young lovers, but you will drive a cool car. You have two choices: expensive and sporty if you are vapid, like the Mercedes Benz driven by Stifler's mom in American Pie, or expensive and formal if you are vengeful, Lincoln Continental driven by Mrs. Robinson in The Graduate.

   

   Mercedes C Class from 'American Pie'

   

   1966 Lincoln Continental from 'The Graduate'

5. 5Perpetual Crisis Mom

   If you are unlucky enough to be a mom in perpetual crisis, you must spend all your time saving your family from various threats in a safe and sensible car from at least a decade ago, like Melanie Freeland's Volvo 740 in Thirteen. One possible variation, the superhero mom, will allow you to drive something cool like Elastigirl's jet in The Incredibles, however you will need superhuman flexibility in order to pull this off.

   

   Volvo 740 from 'Thirteen'

   

   Fighter Jet from 'The Incredibles'

Read More:

• Ditch Your Guzzler for a Compact Car?
• 10 Most Stolen Cars in America
• Tired of Traffic? Try Honking.

Accelerate your car search! Use the vFinder to find the ride that fits your life.

LesleyB is a featured contributor for vLane.